For far too long, I dated crazy chicks.
You’ve dated them too. Some of you may have even married one. You know who they are: short fuses, a “unique” outlook on the world, and exceptional in bed. You do not want to introduce a crazy chick to your family. You do not want to give her the keys to your apartment. You’ll want to change your phone number when you break up, because she WILL call. A lot. And late at night. These are not Lilith Fair, Birkenstock-wearing, sun-dress-wearing chicks.
Music is full of these women. They’re on the front pages of US Weekly, Perez Hilton, and TMZ. The crazy-music-chick spotlight is currently on Lindsay Lohan and Courtney Love. Between restraining orders and threatening e-mails (oh, yeah — change your e-mail address too), these two are the Batman and Robin of crazy music chicks and we’re all Gotham, living in fear. We need a hero.
Yes, my friends, the world loves a crazy music chick. Here are my favorites. And remember: behind every crazy chick is a crazier dude.
Photo gallery: See music’s craziest chicks through the years.
Courtney Love
Crazy Scale: 8
Craziest Moment: Losing $20 million and not knowing how
She’s been called “the most controversial woman in the history of rock,” which is code for crazy. Kurt Cobain’s widow has had too many insane moments to list here, starting with reading a Sylvia Plath poem at a Mickey Mouse Club audition at age 12. She had better luck on TV later when she flashed David Letterman during a 2004 “Late Show” appearance.
Amy Winehouse
Crazy Scale: 10
Craziest Moment: Fawning over baby mice while high with Pete Doherty
It’s almost too easy (and tragic) to talk about Amy’s very public three-year meltdown. She goes beyond crazy into truly troubled territory. While she awaits a July court date stemming from allegedly assaulting a woman at a charity ball, Winehouse has started her own record label, Lioness Records. Her first act is her 13-year-old goddaughter. I hope there’s a responsible adult nearby.
Lindsay Lohan
Crazy Scale: 8
Craziest Moment: Making two albums, “Speak” and “A Little More Personal (Raw).”
What can you say about Lindsay that we don’t already know? She’s a bad driver, a bad breaker-upper, and a bad drunk.
Britney Spears
Crazy Scale: 8
Craziest Moment: Marrying Kevin Federline
I don’t care how much money or P.R. spin you throw at her, Britney Jean Spears will always be my crazy, white-trash, shaved-head chick. Like Courtney Love, Spears also didn’t make the Mickey Mouse Club cut. (There were no Sylvia Plath readings; at age eight she was just considered too young. She did join the ensemble three years later.) She also shares another dubious distinction with Mrs. Cobain: questionable parenting skills.
Madonna
Crazy Scale: 6
Craziest Moment: A never-ending workout binge that makes her looks like Stretch Armstrong
Yes, her ambition and work ethic are admirable. Yes, she’s broken all sorts of taboos and glass ceilings for women. Yes, she’s set trends for more than 20 years. I don’t care. Madonna just seems crazy to me. I bet Guy Ritchie, Carlos Leon, Warren Beatty, Sean Penn, and any of the other hundred dudes Madonna has seduced would all agree. If they were allowed to talk.
Wendy O. Williams
Crazy Scale: 7
Craziest Moment: Simulating sex on stage with a sledgehammer
Wendy was the queen of shock rock and the mohawked leader of the punk anarchist group the Plasmatics. She liked blowing up cars, beating up cops, and covering herself in anything but clothes. She was banned from nearly every club and city around. Sadly, she took her own life in 1998.
Grace Slick
Crazy Scale: 4
Craziest Moment: Attempting to spike President Richard Nixon’s tea with LSD
She’s now the grande dame of music chicks and a respectable painter. But once upon a time the Jefferson Airplane singer was as crazy as they came. Slick had numerous run-ins with the law in the ’70s. She liked to talk back to cops while reading poetry in trees and after accidentally set her car on fire by driving with no oil. Oh, and just to prove she still has the crazy touch, she pointed an unloaded gun at a cop in ’94.
L7
Crazy Scale: 7
Craziest Moment: Band member Donita Sparks removing her used tampon onstage and tossing it into the crowd
Femme punks L7 are a whole band of crazy. Formed in 1985, they spent 16 years tormenting and whoring themselves to their audience. A typical L7 show could end with drummer Dee Plakas offering to sleep with an audience member or with guitarist Donita Sparks pulling down her pants. Actually … what’s so crazy about that?
Cat Power
Crazy Scale: 6
Craziest Moment: singing the word “no” on stage for 15 minutes
Chan Marshall may be a former crazy music chick. Maybe. After six years of very public meltdowns on stage, public drunkenness, and a stay in a New York mental hospital, Ms. Cat Power says she has stayed sober and is past her “psychotic break.” It’s definitely helped her stage shows, which are a lot more consistent now.
See the best — and strangest — tribute bands ever at GetBack.com.
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