I hate to say it, Britney, but I told you so.
Longtime Grrr! readers will know that back in July of ’04 this column wrote an open letter to Ms. Spears — who was about to marry the father of Shar Jackson’s born (and unborn) children — urging her to sign a prenuptial agreement.
We hadn’t yet seen the 20/20 expose about “American Idol” reject Corey Clark and his alleged affair with Paula Abdul, but if the timeline were different, I would have said that K-Fed was the white version of Clark.
Both opportunists.
Now, I’m the Grrr! guy, and trust me, I have no love for Britney Spears. I think she had little talent even at the top of her game, and is a despicable influence on our nation’s youth. I shudder to think that she’s a mother.
But compared to her soon-to-be-ex-husband, she’s Mother Teresa.
Upon hearing the news that Britney has filed for divorce from her free-loading “Papozao” rapping loser of a husband (aka, the white Corey Clark), I find myself in her corner. At least until the next time she French kisses an over-aged, worn-out, pop star who goes by the name of Jesus Christ’s mother.
Now comes word that K-Fed has filed a counter divorce suit, in which he wants sole custody of their two children. Sole custody? If he were around being a father in the first place, instead of partying all over the country on Britney’s dime, perhaps she wouldn’t be filing for divorce now!
Sole custody. Puhleez!
Without further ado, here we re-print that July ’04 column. And, I did tell you so …
July 13, 2004 —
An open letter to Britney Spears …
Dear Britney,
Here are three of the most important words you’ll ever hear in your young life: Sign the prenup.
We don’t care who you marry. We don’t care how you live your life, or if you’ve gained weight or whether you can really sing. We do care that you’ve worked very hard and have endured the harsh glare of the media spotlight.
For that, if nothing else, you deserve all of the fortune you’ve amassed before the pop-tart balloon burst, much like the Internet boom did. Like many of the Web millionaires, you cashed in. More power to you.
But for Pete’s sake, Britney, do not get married without a prenuptial agreement.
You’ve learned your lesson once the hard way; don’t do it again. What good is having all that money if you can’t hire good people to protect it? Many celebrities have lost a lot of their money because they thought they were in love with the right person, only to sign half of their net worth away six months later.
The only saving grace here is that, finally, it’s a man who will cash in when this marriage falls apart. Finally there will be equality in divorce court.
I don’t know Kevin Federline , but this much I do know. He’s already got a child with Shar Jackson, who is currently pregnant with their second. You shelled out for your own engagement ring, to the tune of 40 grand. He’s a backup dancer. That bears repeating.
He’s a backup dancer. Never mind the money. Why give this guy your sincere heart?
If all of the reported rumors about the timing of her divorce filing being due to stipulations of her prenup are to be believed, Britney got my letter and heeded my advice.
If it’s true that Britney’s getting ready to go back to work, now that she’s shed some pounds and doesn’t look so worn out these days (at least after an appearance on “The Late Show” last week), more than likely, you’ll be seeing Spears performing beside Barry Manilow, Elton John and Celine Dion at a Las Vegas casino near you.
Faith Hill’s Honest Reaction
I was in Nashville covering the Country Music Awards along with FOX & Friends’ Kiran Chetry this week, and let me tell you, Faith Hill caused quite a firestorm with her “What?!” reaction to Carrie Underwood’s award for Best Female Vocalist.
Video:
Watch Mike and Kiran’s Red Carpet Highlights
Whether or not Hill pulled a Kerry with a “botched joke,” as her publicist suggested, or even if Ms. Hill finds it “utterly ridiculous” that her reaction would garner so much attention, I can see her point that night. However, in this case, honesty is not the best policy.
First, some perspective.
The female Vocalist of the Year award is as much coveted in the country music industry as, say, the Best Actress award is in the movie industry.
With industry vets Hill, Martina McBride, Gretchen Wilson and Sara Evans losing out to newcomer Underwood, it would be akin to, say, Meryl Streep, Annette Bening, Julianne Moore and Janet McTeer losing out to, say, “Karate Kid 4” star Hilary Swank for the Academy Award.
Oh, wait. That did happen, when Swank surprised Hollywood after she won for “Boys Don’t Cry.”
Everybody expected Bening to get the Oscar for her work in “American Beauty.” That’s not to say Swank hadn’t paid her dues, however. She was around Hollywood for a long time working in television (“Beverly Hills 90210”) and other projects.
But fast foward seven years later, and nobody was expecting Carrie Underwood to win the CMA for Female Vocalist of the Year. Everybody did expect her to win the Horizon Award, which is reserved for the rookie of the year in the industry.
In fact, she was a shoo-in for that award. Her year in country music has been astonishing, and when she and Faith Hill go up against each other in January at the People’s Choice Awards, she’s pretty much a shoo-in for that one too.
What most likely irked Hill, if indeed she was irked, is the fact that she and her colleagues in country music are traditionalists who play the bars and do the “starving artist” thing. To see Underwood, the winner of “American Idol,” do so well right out of the gate probably doesn’t sit too well with most artists in the industry.
But “American Idol” is a juggernaut. And no matter what any professional artist thinks of it, it’s a proven marketing machine that not only knows how to sell records, but has been lucky enough to have some pretty good artists — like Kelly Clarkson, Clay Aiken, Taylor Hicks, Fantasia Barrino and Underwood — come out of the reality show.
Also, the people who vote on the CMAs know that Underwood, because of her “AI” profile, will reach a new audience who have yet to embrace country music.
At the end of the day, I think no matter how Underwood got there, she deserves to be in the company of the country music greats. In the end, her success is good for country music even more than it is for Carrie Underwood — who was a gracious winner.
Your Grrrs
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